Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
