He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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