After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
