You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
