is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
