K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
