Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
birth control should be required to get into college
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
