foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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