You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
