I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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