I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just found puke in my bra..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
