so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
