Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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