you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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