you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
