I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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