I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
