I was born with a shot glass in my hand
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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