dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
