This is not my ceiling
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
