How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
