know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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