Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
