AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize