Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
