they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
