some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
