i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
