sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
