I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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