I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
