My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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