He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
