haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
