dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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