she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
