dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
did you just send me my own nude
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
