yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
