I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
