I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
