singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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