I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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