i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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