If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This house was built for laser tag.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
