I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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