why do cheetos always look like penises
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize