Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize