I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
