if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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