also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
