I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
