you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
