Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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