dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
