you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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