apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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