just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Randomize
