not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
