in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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