you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
