I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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