You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
