Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
