Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
