the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
