I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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