babies were throwing up all over the place
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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